And You Smile
by Elayna Fournier
Summary: Why didn't you go to Santa Fe? Why didn't you follow your dream and give up all of this? Why did you stay? And, in your bitterness and resentment, you begin to doubt that Santa Fe really exists.


You dream. You dream a lot. You dream of great skies, of wide prairies. You dream of success, of respect, of chances, of a future. You can see it. You can imagine it. It's so vivid to you that you can almost smell, hear, taste it. It's all you can think of, and all you want to think of. It consumes you, and you find yourself lost in thought. You go through each day aimlessly, yet still sell more papes than anyone else. You still dazzle more people with your honest smile, though you never truly reveal the truth, because that's too dangerous. When people know the truth, they can make you vulnerable. And you never want to feel so vulnerable again. 

Which is why you need to go, to get away. To leave this city behind, to start anew. That's what you need, a new beginning. Where no one knows your name or your past. Where no one needs to know your upbringing. Where nobody probably even cares.

And you dwell on that. You can see yourself now, introducing yourself to your first real employer. And you smile. You can see yourself wearing a nice suit with your hair slicked back. You can see your ready grin and eager expression. You're ready for this, for this chance, this opportunity. But you're so set in your hopes, your dreams, your future, that you can't see your present.

Your future blinds you and you're lost.

Lost in a dream that cannot be. Lost in hope that should have been lost ages ago. Lost in a prospect that most people would have given up on already. You're lost in yourself, in your own despair because you know. You know that, in the end, a dream is just a dream. And in the end, only in fairy tales do dreams come true. But you try to ignore the painful truth.

So you'll wake up each morning with fifty other boys, too tired to really complain, too frustrated to really refrain from complaining, and too smart to hope for better. And you'll look in the mirror when you wake up and see the same face. You'll see the same Jack Kelly, because circumstances don't change over night, although sometimes it seems like they do when they go from bad to worse.

And you, Jack Kelly, will prepare for a long day ahead of you, because what else can you do. You've never really known good fortune, and you know that you probably never will. Oh, you know you've been lucky. You've had good friends, you beat Pulitzer, and you helped bring justice to the children trapped in the Refuge.

But you also had your chance. And you also gave it up. You gave up Santa Fe. And as you stand there staring in the mirror with Crutchy and Mush arguing around you, you wonder why. Why did you walk away from your future? Why didn't you go to Santa Fe? Why didn't you follow your dream and give up all of this? Why did you stay?

And, in your bitterness and resentment, you begin to doubt that Santa Fe really exists. You bet it was just created by the silly pamphlet writers. You bet that they all get a perverse pleasure for taunting people with a dream that is not a reality at all. After all, places that give such freedom from daily toils couldn't possibly exist. Those kind of places only exist in the minds of young dreamers who haven't yet given up that small hope that maybe, just maybe, there's a place that they can feel completely content. That maybe, just maybe, they can be someone who's worthwhile, who's important. But, because Santa Fe doesn't exist...well, it was a lovely thought.

But wouldn't it be nice? To wake up every morning and to gaze at the unending sky, knowing that your prospects are better here than they ever were back home.

...home?

Home.

You stop for a moment and think. Jack Kelly, you are presented with the bitter truths of reality. With Santa Fe you get the freedom that you've desired for so long and a chance at a better future. But is it worth the cost? Are you really willing to lose what you have?

In the end, a place is only as good as the people that live in it. And you don't know anyone better than David, or Mush, or Crutchy...or even Racetrack and Spot. They're your family and, although you promised to not get attached, somehow, accidentally, you did. And now, they mean the world to you. Giving them up would mean starting over. And starting over was never easy for you. And it never will be.

So maybe that's why you stayed. It was simply easier to remain in one place with your friends. Or maybe you were scared. Scared to give up what you thought you would never have in the first place. Or maybe you were tied down by your love. Yes, love. Jack Kelly, you are indeed guilty of loving your friends. And it is this love that held you back.

And the more you think about it, you're glad it did. Who needs Santa Fe anyways? You have all you need right here. Plus, there's plenty of time. Who said you need to rush. Dreams wait and hope doesn't ever really die.

So you tie your signature bandana around your neck and carelessly grin at Snitch as you cheerfully walk out of the lodging house with more bounce in your step than you can remember having in a long time. You go and buy your papes, thus beginning the day. And you know you'll do the same thing tomorrow and then the next day.

But it doesn't bother you this time. Instead, you relish in the thought of being with your friends.

Your family.

And for once, maybe, just maybe, you think you might have a home. And you smile.

A.N. I don't own Newsies or Jack. I hoped you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and review if you deem it worthy.


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